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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 49 Location: Bearsden, glasgow
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Julia17 wrote:Hi Jenny
I am so terribly sorry to hear your news, I was married for over twenty five years so have a great understanding of what you are going through. I hope you have a good support network, try very hard to stay as strong as you can and don t let him hurt you anymore - easier said than done of course but try and stay positive, I know it is very hard.
Thinking of you, love Julia x Hi Julia, i think the main problem between us was that he a workaholic, but took time off to go out with young girls. I tried my best to forgive and forget but am afraid after 4-5 girls later the trust was gone and i just became an angry lady with no self esteem and no confidence. The funny thing is when he walked out of the house that monday night, it was out of the blue, but strangely enough he has taken his passport, so he had obviously planned it. I have my children to support me and my mum, but at the moment i am ultra sensitive and can cry at the drop of a hat. Jenny xxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 49 Location: Bearsden, glasgow
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 Hi Fiona, thanx for your reply. As you probably know it has been really wild up her in Scotland, and i have been quite isolated as i hate driving in the snow, never mind walking in it. My central heating was acting up so i was literally blue with the cold, my windows were letting in draughts, the snow was just a nightmare and my husband couldnt even call me to see how i was so i sent him a rather curt text saying just because we were seperated he still had responsibilities regarding the upkeep/maintainace of the house. He managed to come up for a few hrs after work to deal with the problems re my house, but he acted like a workie rather than someone that i had married. I should have know he would be like that as he has never ever once attended any appointment with me , never mind ask me how i was. Just now apart from all my aches and pains i really dread being on my own in yrs to come, and who wants some with all my ailments either. jenny xxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 49 Location: Bearsden, glasgow
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Mandy_M wrote:What a shock for you, Jenny. Working 7 days a week didn't leave much time for him to tell you what he was thinking, but it was still very thoughtless. What are your greatest worries now? Try writing them down, and look at them occasionaly, and see how you are doing. Getting to grips with RA is one of the biggest things we have all had to do, and you have been doing this. Unfortunatley we can not get people to honestly tell us what is going through their minds, and you might never get an explanation from him. But you will survive this! You will! Who have you got around you, to talk to? If not many, then use us!
Life can be so much more than a marriage that you no longer understand. Gentle hugs, and a shoulder to cry on,
MandyM Hi Mandy, thanx for your reply and support. I have my children, but to be honest they are upset at seeing me upset. I think he had a plan, but he will be the lonely one, eventually. Do you know he sent his family in italy christmes cards and signed them from Silvano and family..... my name was never mentioned, and he never signs cards that way. That was just another slap in the face for me. Jenny xxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
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Hi Jenny
Its such a shame you live so far away from me down in Kent, otherwise we could have met up. My husband was a workaholic too - and enjoyed nothing more than going out drinking with his male friends. Really understand the " card " scenario, its not easy I know, I think you re coping with it really well considering everything. Its early days and you will get your life back, just take it easy. Hopefully when my RA gets under control stilling trying to get the meds to work, I will get out a do things, I have been a bit of a hermit for the last eighteen months but try to keep as positive as I can - it is so important.
Julia xxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,006 Location: Timperley
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Oh Jenny my love - it's so good to see you back on the forum- I have missed you, but it's such a horrid reason for you.
My first husband walked out too. Told me the day our daughter went to uni that he didn't love me anymore. I thought my world had ended but here I am, 22 years later, happily married again to my lovely Steve who is the best guy I could ever wish for. I know how hard it is, as do others on here. Please keep coming on for support, encouragement or whatever else you need. We'll always be here for you.
MUCH love
Jeanxxxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Hi Jenny, It`s good to see you posting again, but I`m so sorry at what has happened to you. I hope your family can be supportive, though clearly your childern will be upset both for themselves and on your behalf too. 33 years is a long time, but once the dust settles I hope the picture will seem brighter for you. It`s his loss, Jenny, and you will cope. Is he still working at the restaurant? Keep posting, so we can be here for you. Take care, Kathleen x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 49 Location: Bearsden, glasgow
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Julia17 wrote:Hi Jenny
Its such a shame you live so far away from me down in Kent, otherwise we could have met up. My husband was a workaholic too - and enjoyed nothing more than going out drinking with his male friends. Really understand the " card " scenario, its not easy I know, I think you re coping with it really well considering everything. Its early days and you will get your life back, just take it easy. Hopefully when my RA gets under control stilling trying to get the meds to work, I will get out a do things, I have been a bit of a hermit for the last eighteen months but try to keep as positive as I can - it is so important.
Julia xxx Hi Julia, do you know the horrible thing about this? my children all love me and are very supportive, but i am taking things out on them and its not their faults. I am just so lost and confused. I did something stupid in july, i took an overdose of paracetamol. I went to my GP a few days later to tell her how i was feeling, she gave me citalopram 20mgs 1 a day as i was high anxiety. Then my hubby and me wer ok for a while, even went to Marseille for 1 week which was bliss. Got a tan lost weight. * my mum is just off the phone, she told me she has contacted my GP as she is so concerned.* I really dislike myself just now as i am giving all the people i love so much a really hard time and they dont deserve it. jenny xxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 89
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Hi dear Jenny,
i am so very sorry to read your sad news, please accept a heartfelt hug from me. As jean and others say do keep posting on here for support.
Thinking of you at this incredibly difficult time
emilyXXX.
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 49 Location: Bearsden, glasgow
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jeanb wrote:Oh Jenny my love - it's so good to see you back on the forum- I have missed you, but it's such a horrid reason for you.
My first husband walked out too. Told me the day our daughter went to uni that he didn't love me anymore. I thought my world had ended but here I am, 22 years later, happily married again to my lovely Steve who is the best guy I could ever wish for. I know how hard it is, as do others on here. Please keep coming on for support, encouragement or whatever else you need. We'll always be here for you.
MUCH love
Jeanxxxxx Hi Jean, i just stuffed myself with a beautiful bowl of al dente pasta. Now am going to have to go to sleep, but not before responding to messages from everyone on here. We were having problems although to be honest it was more so when we took on the restaurant. I saw first time how my husband works at work, that was an eye opener. I can understand that he really needs to make people feel welcome etc... but did he really need to spend all night chatting to the waitresses, smiling away and laughing, then looking at me and growling. He used to offer them all a drink at the end of the night and referred to all of them by name, he would say what about you what do you want? A few times he angered me and i said in front of staff ... i have a name, he didnt like that. I also suggested that the staff were taking advantage as they would drink eat whatever they wanted and whenever they wanted, he really got angry about this. considering it was my mum who gave us the money for this venture i felt i was entitled to have my say. Jenny xxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 49 Location: Bearsden, glasgow
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Kathleen_C wrote:Hi Jenny,
It`s good to see you posting again, but I`m so sorry at what has happened to you. I hope your family can be supportive, though clearly your childern will be upset both for themselves and on your behalf too.
33 years is a long time, but once the dust settles I hope the picture will seem brighter for you. It`s his loss, Jenny, and you will cope. Is he still working at the restaurant?
Keep posting, so we can be here for you.
Take care,
Kathleen x Hi Kathleen, my children are always there for me. Its funny when you say its his loss, as he seems to think i couldn't have done better, i was lucky.  He is till working at the restaurant, living in a bedsit nearby, but wont tell anyone his address. jenny xxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 49 Location: Bearsden, glasgow
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emily wrote:Hi dear Jenny,
i am so very sorry to read your sad news, please accept a heartfelt hug from me. As jean and others say do keep posting on here for support.
Thinking of you at this incredibly difficult time
emilyXXX. Hi Emily, thankyou very much, i will try keep posting as much as i am able. Strangely enough i am having major problems getting onto members forum. Gentle hugs are always good jenny xxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
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Hi Jenny
Try not to be too hard on yourself, I m sure all the family know why you are not quite yourself just now, they do understand I am sure - it all takes time, and this has happened in such recent days. Do you think it might be a good idea to see your GP to have a little more support just for now. I saw mine at the time and was fortunate enough to have a few counselling sessions which did help a little.
Thinking of you Julia xxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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Jenny Oh my poor poor darlin. listen, my life ended utterly when my first marriage ended in oblivion nearly 9 yrs ago. He wasnt a great husband. but it was such a bereavement.
i think part of it was being told how "good" he was having stuck with me when the RA came. I thought like that for a long time.
well, news flash! I stuck with bloody him! I could have gone and found someone else who was more compassionate, kind, thoughtful but no I committed and was married to a bit of a pig actually and I LOVED being a single mum in the end (RA or not!)
You know what I did Jen, I went for counselling for nearly a yr.
It helped me no end. did all kinds of things like writing a letter to the people I had lost overnight and read it to a lit candle. When I had finished I blew out the candle and I cried for ages. It helped lots.
Also, I would get in with the local church or Womens group, W.I that sort of thing. even a craft club- whatever floats your boat (especially something you wouldnt have dared do with knobby with you)-go for it.
I couldnt have thought more that I wouldnt ever meet anyone (not that I wanted anyone anyway) and then out of the blue I met Richard who is the total and complete opposite to my ex.
there is A LOT of life to be lived. Can you contact Gingerbread and Care for the family? they do holidays for families who become single parent ones amongst other things like support grps. Also disabled parents network can help.
Jenni xx
PS Are you on Facebook- come and find me Jenni B-l I am on the NRAS FB members page as friend.how to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 49 Location: Bearsden, glasgow
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Hi Jenni, i am having problems trying to get on and be a member....
I am on face book too as jennifer mora, can you add me?
Thanx
Jenny
xxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 838 Location: Nottinghamshire
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Hello Jenny
Nice to see you posting again but not so nice to see the reason why.
I can't really offer anymore advice from what others have given but I just want to send you a big cyber hug and wish I could do more to help.
I wouldn't worry too much about you feeling that you are taking it out on your children, I am sure that they understand why you are like you are at the moment.
Just keep coming on here and talking about it all and how you are feeling, that will help you alot.
Take Care
Gentle Hugs Paula x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 4/20/2010 Posts: 1,749 Location: Somerset
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Hello Jenny
So sorry to hear of your troubles. What a dreadful shock,
I dont think I can add a lot of new information really, I think it is a
good idea you visit your GP and get some professional help. A
great job that you have loving children. Remember they love you lots
as does your Mum and they always say you take it out on the person
who is closest to you
Take Care and sending your best wishes
Rose
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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Have added you how to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 856
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Dear Jenny
I have only picked up on this thread today. My heart goes out to you- especially coming as it has just before Christmas. I cannot begin to imagine what you must be going through. I can't add any more to what others have said except hope that you get the love and support you need .
Thinking of you and sending you big hugs
Maria x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 49 Location: Bearsden, glasgow
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Paula-C wrote:Hello Jenny
Nice to see you posting again but not so nice to see the reason why.
I can't really offer anymore advice from what others have given but I just want to send you a big cyber hug and wish I could do more to help.
I wouldn't worry too much about you feeling that you are taking it out on your children, I am sure that they understand why you are like you are at the moment.
Just keep coming on here and talking about it all and how you are feeling, that will help you alot.
Take Care
Gentle Hugs Paula x
Hi Paula, am needing plenty of hugs. I need to go back to GP and get something to help me through this period. Since i stopped taking the citalopram i have been getting a kind of fuzzy head, does anyone know what that is? jenny xxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/19/2009 Posts: 49 Location: Bearsden, glasgow
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Rose-B wrote:
Hello Jenny
So sorry to hear of your troubles. What a dreadful shock,
I dont think I can add a lot of new information really, I think it is a
good idea you visit your GP and get some professional help. A
great job that you have loving children. Remember they love you lots
as does your Mum and they always say you take it out on the person
who is closest to you
Take Care and sending your best wishes
Rose
Hi Rose, i know you are right. I am seeing a counsellor but she doesnt really do " relationships" but i will see her again on 6th jan. I intend to make appointment to see GP next week and get this fuzzy feeling in my head sorted out. Jenny xxxx
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